Dyko goes for a walk on his Internet

For the record, it is 10:51pm as I start writing this.

Wellsir, it's a new year, and by my estimation, it's about damn time that I start updating this thing again!

I, of course, do so at the behest of someone with whom I have been speaking lately via inter-telegraph(tm). I'm not 100% sure, but I'd like to think that not only is behest an actual word, but that it is used correctly there. Only time will tell.

ANYWAYS, a lot has happened since I last wrote. I will proceed to, with as little effort as possible, sum up the last 4 months in bullet-point form:

• Got contract at work renewed several times, never for more than 30 days
• Spent a good amount of scratch on a puppy, who I named Bravo because that is what 17th century audience members would yell at the stage after a particularly stunning performance by a travelling acting troupe on their way towards old London-town to perform a new play for the Duke of Winchester's Spring gala party
  
• Found a watch under my bed that very closely resembled the watch I had lost when it fell behind my bed
• A bunch of personal stuff that doesn't belong on internet(s)
• Got bitten on the nose by said Bravo, leading me to demote him to "Golf-Clap"
• Christmas
• New Years
• Vomiting
• Ukrainian New Years
• Water came up through a drain in my floor and soaked my carpet
  
• Had a number of interesting run-ins with "randoms" while watching TV and beaing near my computer

"Wait a second," you may/must be saying, "what the fucking hell does that motherfucking last bullet-fucking-point mean? Daffodil." Well, first of all you should seriously not swear so much, because there could be children in or around this internet, and their little ears are quite sensitive, especially to the typing of language such as that. Secondly, I am GLAD that you asked, because that last point is going to be the topic of my first update in some time!

The Story

Alright, bit of back story here to begin with. I go by the name of "Dyko" more-often-than-not on the MSN. This has to do with my last name, but that is not important, so I'd appreciate if you just let me get on with the story without having me explain every single god-damned detail. Lordy.

Anywho, apparently the name Dyko is also shared by a number of mates, meisters, and muchachos, because people from Australia, the Netherlands, and Brazil keep randomly adding me to their MSN lists and then starting conversations where they get increasinly upset with me because I am not reacting the way their Dyko would. Nevermind the fact that my MSN name has absolutely NOTHING to do with anything anyone they know would discuss, and that my picture is usually either The Big Lebowski, a photo of ME or a cartoon drawing of me. Clearly, they are in the right, and I am just fooling with them. I've got one on there that, as far as I can tell from her MSN picture is an 11 year old Brazillian girl. I don't talk to her much because I can't understand funny vowel-y way of writing she uses.

That is the back story, witha little tid-bit about Brazillian girls at the end there to keep all the pervs who are undoubtedly stalking the internet in the game.

Today, I was added to someone's list. This somone is, of course, Ferdis. Yes, the Ferdis.

I've included the conversation, it its entirety for your reading pleasure, and will paste it after this as soon as my friend Brad emails the message I sent him back to me, as in sending it to him, I forgot to keep a copy for myself.

In the meantime, I will keep typing about something totally unrelated, and will stop as soon as I get that email, then continue with the story. Alright, I got distracted by something, so I didn't actually type anything. Here's the bloody conversation.

F&d!S says:
oiiii...
Dyko - The big "22" at the Pheonix next weekend? Looks like! says:
I am pretty sure I've got no idea who this is
F&d!S says:
oh i`m pretty sure... you are the boy who is friend of the boy that I made out!!!!!!!!!!!
F&d!S says:
I know who you are and I can speak english too...
F&d!S says:
heheheheheheh
Dyko - The big "22" at the Pheonix next weekend? Looks like! says:
I dunno, I am still pretty sure I have no clue...
F&d!S says:
i was at the "barra louge " tonight...your friend kissed me with open eyes... he socks
Dyko - The big "22" at the Pheonix next weekend? Looks like! says:
Hahaha, really? Which friend was it?
F&d!S says:
I' sorry, but my father and my sister are going to my hose, so I have to go too...
F&d!S says:
see you later for contionus this conversation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dyko - The big "22" at the Pheonix next weekend? Looks like! says:
Totally!
F&d!S says:
BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dyko - The big "22" at the Pheonix next weekend? Looks like! says:
Bye!!!
F&d!S says:
SE YA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dyko - The big "22" at the Pheonix next weekend? Looks like! says:
Yup!
F&d!S says:
see ya!!!!!!
F&d!S says:
bye bye... good night
Dyko - The big "22" at the Pheonix next weekend? Looks like! says:
Goodnight!
F&d!S says:
dream with angels.....
Dyko - The big "22" at the Pheonix next weekend? Looks like! says:
You as well?
F&d!S says:
bye bye...
F&d!S says:
thank you...
Dyko - The big "22" at the Pheonix next weekend? Looks like! says:
Very welcome...bye
F&d!S says:
se you next time...
Dyko - The big "22" at the Pheonix next weekend? Looks like! says:
Alright
F&d!S says:
bye bye, see you later...
F&d!S says:
let me go!!!!!!! please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looking back, I find a number of things interesting in this conversation so much so that I don't really feel the need to add much in the way of post-game wrap-up. I did some snooping, and checked out Fordie's MSN profile, and it appears they are from Brazil, much like random-girl I meantioned earlier. Other information, such as marital status, and gender were left out, but I've deduced that Fredie is probably a girl, based on the floweR in "her" MSN picture, the fact that "she" was making out with with my male friend ("he socks"). I'd also like to assume that she is single, as she was making out with my friend, Socks, and having grown up in a well outside of Scarborough, I still like to assume that girls in general feel very strongly about fidelity!

So that was that. I copied that conversation, and sent it quickly off to my friend Brad to brighten his day, like my emails are known to do. While talking to him about it, though, I got a very interesting random message from someone not on my MSN list!

你好吗? 给你介绍一个很好的朋友，利用MSN可以享受各种服务,我现在也正使用，觉得很好，你也用一下吧！

You may be asking yourself what exactly that means. Well, Dyko looks out for little guys and girl such as you, and took it upon himself to run this stuff through an online translater, which resulted in a pleasing:

how are you? To you introduced a very good friend, may enjoy each kind of service using MSN, I now also am using, thought very good, you also use!

Taken back by the kindness shown to me by my annonymous friend, I knew I had to respond in a way so as to show how truly honoured I felt by this wonderful, heart-felt out-reach.

This pleases me and those with whom I asscociate. Without further waste, I plan to download anything and everything I find in the link you have provided. May fortune smile upon you this financial quarter, and may the lord smite those who speak against your family. Peace out.

Before sending this olive-branch-like message to my new-found best friend, I decided to run it through the same translator that had facilitated our first meeting, changing it to what I assume was the native tongue which my new best friend licked the strawberry Haagen Dahz bar of my heart with some five minutes earlier.

To make sure my message got across correctly, I proceeded to run the translation of my message back through the translator, converting it once again to English. The ideas were more or less still there, which is really the important thing. Frankly, I feel that my message was alarmingly similar to some sort of internet goth poerty! I've formatted it in a more poem-like...umm...format...for your reading pleasure:

Who does this seek pleasure
I and these and I asscociate.
Not further the waste,
I plan download any thing
and all I to discover
linked you to provide.

In May the fortune smile
in your this finance quarter,
hit hard these speeches with may
your excellency to oppose your family.
Peace.

Alright, I just finished formatting that, and it actually worked a lot better than I hoped. Before anyone gets any funny ideas, it is officially I who came up with using an online translator to write poerty by repeatedly translating messages between languages. If anyone ever gets any money off of this, I will throw my lawyers* after you so fast, your head'll spin! (*"my lawyers" is the name I gave to the two big rocks that we took while on vacation in Virginia in 1991)

Back to the story...I did not recieve a reply from my new friend for some time, and started getting worried. I sent a concerned "lol, k?", which resulted in a reply! Sadly, before I could reap the benefits of the metaphorical chickens that were clearly going to hatch any second from then, I realized that it was an automated reply!

My heart sank instantly. My best friend...the only person who I felt truely understood me...my soulmate...was a robot of some sort, or something. I didn't really think that part through too much, but suffice it to say, I was crushed beyond all repair. To paraphrase the old saying "woe is me", all I can say is that I is most definitely woe.

Indeed.

Well, seeing as I started writing this 2 hours ago, I do beleive it is time to end this little nugget of a posting!

Come back soon for future updates. At some point, I will write that thing I mentioned months ago, outlining my varied experiences with jobs. Also, I may attempt to once again kick-start Operation "don't-wait-2-weeks-before-posting-and-then-post-a-god-damned-novel" one of these days. It all depends on how I feel.

For any of you keeping score, it is currently 12:57 am. That's called "too much bloody time spent writing this".

Anyways, I am off to catch some zeds.

dream with angels.....
Dyko